I admit to perusing the dating and personals sites (e.g. Yahoo! Personals) from time to time, though I haven't recently used a service to contact anybody. Seeing the unusual and even outrageous profiles that people post is entertaining enough. I am particularly fond of Yahoo!'s "In my own words" and "About My Match" (and similar sections on other sites) where, without fail, the uninviting and undeserving summarize the superior traits they seek in an idealized mate.

I was going to write out a long gripe on the unreasonable expectations some women have in their profiles (I'm a straight guy so I'm only looking at the female profiles -- I'm sure that guys also post the same type of lofty match criteria.) However, I don't think there's any reason to get so worked up over this. Profiles are just a few sentences from people I've never met.

My favorite line from a Yahoo! Personals profile I read years ago was:

Folicly [sic] Challenged Need Not Apply

IIRC, this was the TITLE of her profile!

What the hell is a balding guy supposed to do about the genes his parents gave him? Believe me, the disciples of Savalas certainly have no choice in the matter! Wasn't there a more polite way of saying that she was not attracted to shiny heads?

Just for that, I hope some guy with great hair uses the title Old, Divorced Fat Asses Need Not Apply in his profile.

Okay...you're probably asking what the dartboard picture has to do with anything in this blog (besides the obvious analogies.) Well, I've observed that most of the women in the profiles I look at are seeking a guy who is 5' 9" or taller. Some specify a ridiculous upper-asymptote like 7' 3" -- no doubt they are NBA fans, or just like "big men." I was going to rant about how I was pissed off that women who were in the 5' 0" to 5' 4" range, for instance, were looking for comparatively much taller mates. They wouldn't even consider me because I was an inch under their limit at 5' 8". What could you want with all that extra height? 5' 8" ain't so bad, baby!

The bullseye of a regulation dartboard should be 5' 8" (173 cm) high from center to ground. After taking this picture, I lined myself up with the tape measure in the photo and realized that I am actually pretty close to 5' 9" (barefoot.) With decent shoes, I am probably 5' 9" or over. After slumping in front of a monitor all day, I am closer to 5' 7".

I plan to revisit the online personals topic at some point, which is why this entry's title is qualified with a "Part I."

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